Woman Gives Birth to Baby Without Skull Due to Abortion Laws

For One Last Time – One Pregnancy; Two Different Decisions

This is one of those post that I am writing because I am tired of writing it out again and again to explain the basic points of this argument.  Alas, I need a post I can just link to. The whole idea of abortion does not belong in the adoption conversation. Let me repeat that; it is a separate conversation, a separate debate.

And now I will talk about them together ONE FINAL TIME. Yes, I long to be a hypocrite.

While many pro-life anti abortion, anti choice, anti women types might want to see adoption as the perfect win-win alternative for a woman facing an unplanned or ill-timed pregnancy, increasing adoption awareness does not decrease abortions.

• The alternative to abortion is giving birth.
• The alternative to adoption is actually parenting your own child.
• Separate events at separate times even if in the same pregnancy.

It's NOT the "Price is Right" Pregnancy Door Game

The thing is the decisions made when facing an unplanned pregnancy do not happen at once. It is not like you see the evil double lines on the pee stick and then suddenly face three doors to go through parenting, adoption or abortion.

Step right up, step right up. Ah yes, I am so sorry. I see you have peed double lines. Yes, you are now pregnant. Ok so now you have to make a choice! Will it be door number one, door number two or door number three?

Hurry up now and pick YOUR Pregnancy decision!!

Yeah, it's not a pregnancy game show version of the Price is Right.

I have this crazy visual of some middle aged man trying to usher women away from door number 1 and to door number 3. Oh wait.. that's not a crazy visual. It's what adoption agencies do when they take over or are in cahoots with crisis pregnancy centers!

Just because the decisions to choose abortion or adoption can occur within the same pregnancy, does not mean that they are part and parcel of the same choice and especially, they are NOT made at the same time in the pregnancy.

How We Decrease The Abortion Rate

Now if one wished to really decrease  the number of abortions in this country then that's almost easy; we know what works.

• Realistic sex education, not abstinence only programs.
• Accessibility to safe affordable birth control.

Knowledge and tools to prevent the pregnancies that lead to abortions. If women don't want to become pregnant and they know how not  and can make it happen, then it often works really well!

However, it often doesn't seem that the majority of Pro-life/ Pro-birth  people really want to decrease the number of unplanned pregnancies that would therefore decrease the rates of abortion.. rather than spell that out, I refer instead to this most fabulous post written by an actual Pro-Life women:How I Lost Faith in the "Pro-Life" Movement

When Abortion IS Decided Upon

Now sometimes, accidents do happen and things do go wrong. And in that case, when a woman is facing an unwanted pregnancy and she has determined that having a child is just not a good idea right now, often her only choice then is an abortion.

See, the abortion is a reproductive decision. She is deciding whether to reproduce of not. Does she want to go through the remaining 9 months of pregnancy?  Can she afford to take the time required to complete the pregnancy? Can she undergo the medical risk of the pregnancy? Is she ready to welcome a child into her life? Really it is a case of does she want to have a baby and be a mother?

Because if she does NOT terminate the pregnancy, then she WILL BE a mother of a child  no matter what other decisions she can later make. Her REPRODUCTIVE CHOICE HAS BEEN MADE.

The decisions to continue or terminate a pregnancy is one that must be made early on in the pregnancy due to the time constraints. And I am pretty sure that most women pretty much kind of know from the get go if they are happy to see the positive pregnancy tell tale "two line" or they are not happy to see they two lines. While there are times when there are mixed emotions and fears when seeing the reality that you are, indeed, pregnant, most women DO know right way if they can pull it off and enter motherhood or whether it will be a complete impossibility.

If it is a complete impossibility and she really does really want to be pregnancy, then there is a good chance she might choose to have an abortion.  If she believes that abortion is the right thing for her at the time. And yes, I do believe it is her choice and really, her choice only; it's HER body.

Nobody WANTS to Have a Baby for Someone Else

Let me correct that; because some women do, and they are called surrogates. I won't get into that here and now.

Now there ARE women who will not ever consider abortion. That is their choice, too. Some women might find out that they are pregnant too late and the possibility of an abortion is off the table. Others might have difficulty finding an abortion provider or even not be able to afford an abortion. Personally, I think it is very sad when a women must carry a pregnancy to term because she is denied reproductive health services, but that is the culture we currently live in.

Often, a woman will forgo the abortion concept and decide that she is going to have her baby. Perhaps the father of the child says all the right things. Perhaps she believes that she can manage to pull it off, but somewhere along the way the doubts and fears get to her. Maybe reality looms up and the future looks rather frightening with a baby in tow.

She is already, literally , bodily committed to having this baby, so maybe she thinks "adoption" because she is scared and wants to check adoption out. Unfortunately, once she contacts an adoption agency the chances that she will find emotional support to parent will disappear like a poof of smoke. Often she will then be bombarded with pro-adoption rhetoric that starts telling her, however subtle, that she is not worthy of being a mother, not good enough and that if she loves her baby enough, she will want her baby to have "better". In essence, the MOTHER becomes the perceived threat to the child's well being.

As I have said many times before, adoption presents itself as having many answers that face a woman with an unplanned pregnancy. They have carefully honed their marketing message and have it down pat. It's just full of holes, but too many mother realize that when it is too late.

But, back on track; a woman who has decide to carry her pregnancy to term and is considering adoption still CANNOT really make the decision to relinquish and NOT parent until after the baby is born.  Even the worst of adoption agencies, even if they are just parroting the real child welfare advocates, say this. She cannot make a decision until after the baby is born. Oh and the law states it too. Mothers cannot sign legally binding pre birth consents. They can sign to diminish their revoke period and sign to start to clock immediately after birth, but technically, they have to wait until after birth to relinquish a child to adoption.

Hence, if the child is born, then abortion is obviously LONG of the table.

It also means that adoption is NOT a reproductive choice; it s a PARENTING choice. A woman has already made the choice to reproduce. She is already a mother. She has had the baby. She is decide NOT to parent her child. THAT is adoption.

The Time Table for the Two Pregnancy Decision Do NOT MEET

Look here's a visual for people who don't like reading, but watch Dr. Phil instead.

Again; let's remember that a pregnant woman does NOT make her decision all at one time.

Abortion generally MUST be decided on within a small window of time; usually within the first trimester but definitely before 20 to 22ish weeks.

Most adoption agencies do not like to talk to mothers until well after threat of miscarriage is over. Even then, they like them best in their last trimester. That's when the panic is on.

So for ONE FINAL TIME: Adoption is not the Alternative to Abortion.

And for why it is wrong and really just horrid for people to expect that those facing an unplanned pregnancy have some weird moral obligation to carry their pregnancy to term to fulfill the needs of those who desire babies? I'll just refer again to this post written by an adoptive parent who says it much nicer than I could: To Pro-Lifers Who Believe Adoption is Always the Answer

ADOPTION AND ABORTION ARE NOT THE SAME CHOICE

OK? SO can we be DONE with this stupid debate? No? OK that's fine. Now I'm just linking to this post. Sick of this shit…

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Woman Gives Birth to Baby Without Skull Due to Abortion Laws

Source: https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-is-not-an-alternative-to-abortion/

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